I seem to be suffering from a baby virus. I first became aware of this when I was kept awake for most of the night 10 days ago. It was OK, and I was left with a small package that made noises from time to time, nothing I couldn't handle. However, over the last week, this package, I like to refer to it as the 'theO' virus, has started to spread throughout my flat, attaching itself to all aspects of my very existence. All available space has been taken up with “theO' type toys and living things such as nappies, changing mats and other stuff. Another symptom is that the good lady has gone deaf. When I ask her things like 'what's for dinner” or “a cup of tea would be nice” I'm met with no reaction at all. Nothing. Weird.

Another thing I have latterly found a bit weird is the word 'Ha' It seems to be a Maltese word to mean many things, and is unique to inhabitants of this Island. It is delivered in the same way a Cat might deliver a fur-ball, but with a bit more gusto. If you go into a shop and ask if the have gas bottles* they might go 'Ha' followed by a reason why they haven't got any (this is usually a lie)

This is a bit difficult to explain so I'll give an example:

I walk into a shop that sometimes sells gas bottles. The bloke behind the counter is smoking loads of fags and has thick glasses.

Me: Hello, have you got any gas bottles please.
Bloke: Ha. We have got some, but we don't have any but try tomorrow.
Me: You'll have some tomorrow?
Bloke: No, but try tomorrow.
Me: Are you getting a delivery tomorrow?
Bloke: No, but try, Ha.

My heard hurts. I get cold a lot here too. Anyway, The young'un is thriving. Seems to be growing at an alarming rate. He is so good, sleeps all day and sleeps all night, although he does throw in a few night-time tantrums when he feels like it.



The 'theO' in full form, scary

*(gas bottles are used for heating as there don't seem to be any central heating systems here, too warm although you could have fooled me. Also used to cook with)