The United Nations have spent the last few days looking all over Malta. They appear to be acting on rumours circulated by some English person that there is a germ breeding plant close to St Paul's Bay. I have confirmation that it is the 'Dolly's & Teddies' Kindergarten that TheO attends. They have been breeding WMI's (weapons of mass influenza) and testing it on TheO. First time back, we are faced with a streaming nose and relentless cough. It's well worth the money we pay them. I guess they just don't test on Rabbits as it's the national dish, so they use babies instead.

It was the young mans birthday but this did little to stop the flood of mucus! We took him to a 'soft play area', which had more balls than the 'millennium diamond robbers'! He didn't know which way to fall. It could have been any direction, it would still have been padded, however they didn't conceive padding my plastic coffee cup. Fortunately it had gone cold, but that Non Bio stuff just doesn't cut the mustard!



The padded cell comes next....

The good lady has a few relatives over, infact, the very same Australian contingent that were here this time last year. We did explain that we would not be able to perform the same tricks as last time and I think they believed us. Still, one year on, so much to reflect on and still the boy laughs. Happy Birthday little man! Maltese tradition dictates that on the first birthday the parents perform a small ceremony called Il-Quccija, I suggest you look up the link for an explanation! He of course chose the wooden spoon indicating that he will be a rich, highly successful, with many friends the world over, and buy his dad a villa in Tuscany!



He does like a nice bit of cake, even on his birthday!

That was quick. Despite Christmas apparently being a period for joy, rest and catching up with friends and family, we are now back in Malta after a ten day blur. This was not drink related. It was TheO's first Christmas, and one in England. The run up to Christmas had seen the little man staring at flashing lights which are all over Malta, humming along to 'tinny' electronic renditions of 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer' and enjoying all the 'Kitsch' Christmas stuff available. Thankfully we had flights to escape to England!

The good lady managed to get a few days in shopping, but the real joy was for TheO to meet up with his Grandma, Cousins, Aunties, Uncles and even a Great Aunty. However this basically meant small children running around madly, E'd up to the nines (Food 'E' numbers I'm talking about!) Christmas Day was an education in the ritual of present opening, children first! If you can, detach yourself and just sit back and watch their little faces. Bonkers!

Back in Malta for New Year. Where was Elvis? Very sedate this year, we did make it out, and the little lad even woke up to to moan the new year in! His first Birthday is now only few days away (9/1/06) and the good lady is planning a surprise party. Tea and cakes all round!



The Good Lady & TheO, neither apparently 'off their rocker'

It looked like Christmas had come early for the rapidly expanding infant. We had decided to take him to the glorious south to the Playmobil factory and Fun Park, where according to the good lady, we would make a killing on small plastic toys with enough choking hazards to keep us all happy till the new year! The 2nd largest producing factory of Playmobile is based in a distant industrial park close to Hal-Far. This is a remote, heavily concreted area with factories and wild dogs. Just the place to attract the locals for a picnic and a burn on the mini-motorbike. Needless to say, the south has somewhat of a social stigma attached to it, a bit like the mental hospital.

We eventually found the fun park and showed TheO round the giant plastic Playmobile animals, but with no hinges and no nodding! We were done in ten minutes and ventured to the inside, full of slightly more boisterous children seemingly high on coke (co-cola) TheO met a plastic Playmobile Santa and was unimpressed. With ALL the money saved from our "direct" purchases, I bought a coffee. How DO they make those mini-motorbikes SO small!



OK Santa, I want a Moto Guzzi Griso 1100, but mini, and not in red...

A simple title like this can provoke the most extreme feelings. On the one hand TheO has become quite a fan of the local swings. Sunday morning has now become swing time, although I always have to explain to the good lady precisely what I mean. This avoids any misunderstanding. They also have a roundabout, but I haven't got anything funny to say about these. The more grown up version that involve cars are fairly funny as they could be alien structures as far as the locals are concerned. They approach with caution, stop, fail to indicate anything, then drive whether its safe to do so or not, right of way long gone, at great speed.

We are all looking forward to Christmas, particularly as it involve a trip back to the UK to see friends & family. I have invested heavily in bearskins, oilskins and any other skins that I may have. I am not sure how the young man will take to sub-zero conditions. Despite leaving, I have been instructed to decorate the residence with plastic Santa's, plastic Ruldof's and plastic Snowmen. A bit too much plastic on my plastic so I bought some festive VSOP Brandy instead. Much more satisfying!! hic.



TheO the Swinger, never TOO many swingers, thats for sure...

I think I have just about managed to get back to normal, if that's possible. I spent most of the time at CHOGM awake. The small print in the contract contained words like 'nights' and '12 hours' After a number of these 19.30 - 07.30 shifts, I managed to limp home, only to have the good lady recount her umbilical (?) movements, and then insist I take her shopping. Three nights, no sleep, I started to feel a bit like God. At work I would call all my co-workers 'my son' They just thought It was I was from London. Secretly, online, I was searching for a turquoise shell suit.

Last Night we went to see a Doula. These are ladies who assist in births. I was a little reluctant to go, fearing crystals and a flat smelling of cats, but she was very nice, made me a cup of tea, and then went through the whole birth process and told us what to expect. She said she would like to attend the birth and I thought about selling her a ticket. I wonder if SKY would want the TV rights….



@ 32 weeks and growing, spot the space hopper!

TheO may have noticed that daddy is going a bit, well, bonkers. This is something to do with my connections. The car has developed a fault in the wiring since it came back from the garage causing the stereo to cut out when it goes over a bump. This is Malta where driving is like tackling a severe set of moguls on a black run with no knees. Harsh. I found myself driving over a deep pot hole just to hear the last few bars of why does it always rain on me by Travis.

My day just gets better as I get home and have to call the garage on a cordless phone that has a loose battery connection. Just as I am trying to explain the problem, I realise that I have been talking to nobody for the last fifteen minutes. The joys of modernity.

I am however relieved to see that TheO has the right idea and makes lasting connections. He is now well know at the germ kindergarten for his good humour and loud laugh! I try to take this lesson on board. He is now just over ten months, standing on his own (whilst leaning on something) and scouring the floor at a furious pace for nibbles. The Grand-Parents spoil him rotten, but who can blame them!?



TheO finds the hidden camera, despite loosing part of his head...