After a whirlwind tour of 'back home' we have returned to a Malta heatwave. temperatures in the 30's and the air conditioning in the car bust. The good lady has taken to wrapping the youngster in damp towels to keep his temperature stable, perhaps this is an early indication that he's going to be a pilot, or something.

It was thought that this whirlwind would be a disaster of screaming baby, no sleep, panic attacks when nearing Boots and colds all-round. But it was not to be. TheO had a fantastic time meeting people, laughing and looking at girls, and by this I mean he met a lot of his mummies pals!

We were only gone a few weeks yet TheO seems to have grown so much. He is now really smiley and laughs out loud a lot. Every day he seems to be different, just a little bit. We have taken to giving him a bottle at bedtime, this has ensured he sleeps really well, but, wow, what do they put in that stuff!!



TheO the Towel Head, back in temperatures of 30 degrees C

This has been well explained to the young TheO. I'm not sure however, if he's quite ready for sensible reasoning as to the advantages of slumber. He just seems to have a fixed agenda, and if he can't have what he wants, he's going to wake the neighbors and tell them. The good lady is now in possession of a book that teaches you how to whisper instructions to your baby, I think that it's a bit like the one about the horses, so I'm looking forward to seeing the little lad take the fence at Becher's Brook, TOTE are giving me 5-1.

Summer is surely upon us with temperatures now in the 20's. The skies are fantastic, but the sea still a little nippy. It's just coming up to Easter so as well as a long weekend, we look forward to the festivals and other strange customs that are carried out here. On Friday, we may go and watch the locals, dressed up to look like members of the KKK, dragging heavy chains around the town by their feet. Not pleasant. Then on Sunday, they run up and down a hill carrying life size statues of various religious figures, and these things are heavy. I'll post a picture, but may stay in bed.

So with this fine weather, we are going to go back to England. Fortunately just for a few weeks. There are plans to visit the Lake District and meet up with Family, eat a lot of sausages and go to the pub, a lot!



It's better to travel, and THEN fall asleep, eh!

I am told that the best advice should be taken by example, and thus I have taken TheO's example of Apnea. This is the art of breath holding, something he has proved adept at, particularly when in an uncomfortable situation. I have purchased some fins of a necessary length, vital in this sport, and am preparing myself to go 'Underwater on a single breath' as Umberto Pelizzari refers to it. The good lady remarked I should stay there. Her sense of humour is really improving, despite informing me that most of what I do and say is 'really NOT funny”

TheO is now 12 weeks old. He has started to smile and giggle, proving that I can make someone laugh at least. He seems to be slipping into a routine, although this does involve much pandering to his every need, I think this is the real reason I have taken to the exploring the sea-bed.



TheO prior to entering HIS sea bed, or should that be cot?

I really don't get it. We left England some time ago, way back in September, just as all the old people started to complain of the encroaching winter. I would meet them in the street, five jumpers and a M&S cardigan, shivering and filling out forms for extra coal or something. Some fly here to Malta and avoid the English winter totally. It's cheap and the temperature rarely drops belown10°C, or thereabouts. To my amazement, I saw about a dozen OAP's swimming in the sea. No wetsuits, no Lard and no Cardigans. This got me thinking. Isn't it always the more mature that break the ice and swim in the Serpentine? This would be hazardous enough, but in the middle of winter? So what is it. Hot, Cold or not sure? I'm not chicken, but I think I'll wait a while before I take a dunk!

TheO is developing well. His lungs at the moment are his best assets, able to complete a 40 second winge in one breath. He is also able to smile for a similar length of time. Cuts you right to 'art it does! He has become very aware of his surroundings and bright objects around him (like his mum!) and I swear he says “Hello' to me. Stares me right in the eyes and say's it. I found that singing him the “Hokey Cokey” is the best way to calm him down, putting his left leg in, his left leg out, seems to take his mind of things. Overall, things are progressing very well, but I do miss a good night down the local, eh!



Smile, and the world smiles with you!

Six weeks have now gone by, in this time TheO has gone through four thousand nappies, 32 packets of baby 'wipes' and four jars of anti nappy rash cream. He has had more fun feeding than daddy has in ages, ahem, and still he sleeps. This is a bit of a lie as he cried a lot yesterday for no reason at all, but I don't count that, or the time last week when he went utterly ballistic because I lost his pacifier. I think he has his mother's knack getting things sorted, quickly.

Weather has improved 10 fold, and I was blessed with a visit from the family. Fantastic time had by all, The weather was stunning and even prompted a quick dip in the sea by those braver than I. The outlaws even threw a party for little Theo, with a cake and crisps. Daddy made sure there was more than enough Vino for everybody to get utterly plastered. I wanted to put something in the punch, but alas, the best laid plans…

This weekend sees the Malta Carnival. Apparently they all dress up like goons and try to be funny. This doesn't strike me as out of character for the locals as I find them always like that, but I'll entertain anything, for a while. The good lady has a good chum visiting for the weekend, so I wonder who will be left holding the baby! Praise be for the out-laws, they don't know what a storm awaits.



The Sleeping Storm light, going on ballistic

Time speeds by like a racing Maltese youth in a suped up Kia. Baked bean tin as an exhaust outlet and a sticker in the windscreen saying something like 'stuff your jealousy' I can still smell the Homebase emulsion paint job as he proudly flouts every single guide to intelligent driving in the Highway code. Generally, if you say anything to these guys like, 'my right of way I think!” they kill you, your family, your friends, their friends…. It's like something out of a Martin Scorsese movie, but a bit more violent. I just ignore them.

It has been raining forever over here, or so it seems. Everything is wet. Washing doesn't dry. I am too mean to invest in an Umbrella, so it's just as well that we have started to have clear skies and warm temperatures. The locals behave like witchdoctors saying things like 'It's here for the summer' and ''you can say goodbye to the rain now' Thus' with a spring in my step, I am filled with optimism and expectancy for summer has truly arrived! This afternoon it rained cats and dogs. The only explanation I got from those in the know was “ha”

Theo is now four weeks old. I have just realised the he could be called 'The O' or even 'The O Joe' but hope that school will be kind to him. He has really started to grow now and has some very strange looks. I plan to document these at some stage, perhaps in a book. 'The O Joes book of strange looks' possibly. He has just started to smile at me but I fear this is just wind. He also looks at me in a very terse way. Lips very firm and closed, 'Don't mess with ME daddy' he could be saying. I think he means it.




The O Joe, and he means it!