The title here is supposed to reflect my Monday, Today. Monday mornings are, as well as being a notoriously bad start to the week, the day I look after TheO, exclusively! This is a day when 'mummy' is unavailable, I have to fend for myself and pretend I'm in charge. This occurs every Monday from 9am till 2pm. Here's a run down.

9am The household awakes. It's another glorious day. I can't however go outside into the sun as I have major sunburn from a boat-trip where, as usual, I refused to wear a shirt or sun tan lotion. I now don't run, I scuttle! First thing to get done is a scuttle to the Bank. 10 minute job, I grab TheO and little else.

10am Arrive bank to encounter long queue. Wait with TheO straining. I sniff and and the straining becomes clear. I have no nappy, no wet one no change of clothes and no chance! I ask and am directed to the loo where the men's is engaged, the ladies vacant. I do the necessary and in the process, a bank porcelain fixture disintegrates with my elbow, Theo bawls and I look nervous. I remain calm and escape.

11am I get home to change the little lad. The transition in-between nappies during the change is a crucial and dangerous period. Another game of Russian Roulette. Today, however, the chamber is full and I take the full blast. Luckily I was always good at catch. ahem!

12 noon London Zoo, ok perhaps not that bad, but it's at this time that TheO can be at his most, er, inventive! Today is Carrot and one of his favourite. As the car goes into the garage, Theo grabs his spoon, which for some reason has the elasticity and power of a Roman Trebuchet, thus re-decorating the white walls with slight swathes of orange. Nice

1 pm Why didn't I try this earlier. A gift from a wonderful Aunt of Theo's has really turned out trumps. Working on the same principle as the Trebuchet spoon, TheO can be engaged for many hours in his bouncer. Normally I put on some music for him to Jump to like House of Pain, Kriss Kross. Whatever. My shift is over, and I'm done for THIS Monday. Bob Geldof, eat your heart out!



Content for while, Kriss Kross will make ya...