Does anybody know the Heimlich Maneuver...? 
Tuesday, December 12, 2006, 06:55 AM
It looked like Christmas had come early for the rapidly expanding infant. We had decided to take him to the glorious south to the Playmobil factory and Fun Park, where according to the good lady, we would make a killing on small plastic toys with enough choking hazards to keep us all happy till the new year! The 2nd largest producing factory of Playmobile is based in a distant industrial park close to Hal-Far. This is a remote, heavily concreted area with factories and wild dogs. Just the place to attract the locals for a picnic and a burn on the mini-motorbike. Needless to say, the south has somewhat of a social stigma attached to it, a bit like the mental hospital.

We eventually found the fun park and showed TheO round the giant plastic Playmobile animals, but with no hinges and no nodding! We were done in ten minutes and ventured to the inside, full of slightly more boisterous children seemingly high on coke (co-cola) TheO met a plastic Playmobile Santa and was unimpressed. With ALL the money saved from our "direct" purchases, I bought a coffee. How DO they make those mini-motorbikes SO small!



OK Santa, I want a Moto Guzzi Griso 1100, but mini, and not in red...
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Swingers and Roundabouts 
Tuesday, December 5, 2006, 09:33 AM
A simple title like this can provoke the most extreme feelings. On the one hand TheO has become quite a fan of the local swings. Sunday morning has now become swing time, although I always have to explain to the good lady precisely what I mean. This avoids any misunderstanding. They also have a roundabout, but I haven't got anything funny to say about these. The more grown up version that involve cars are fairly funny as they could be alien structures as far as the locals are concerned. They approach with caution, stop, fail to indicate anything, then drive whether its safe to do so or not, right of way long gone, at great speed.

We are all looking forward to Christmas, particularly as it involve a trip back to the UK to see friends & family. I have invested heavily in bearskins, oilskins and any other skins that I may have. I am not sure how the young man will take to sub-zero conditions. Despite leaving, I have been instructed to decorate the residence with plastic Santa's, plastic Ruldof's and plastic Snowmen. A bit too much plastic on my plastic so I bought some festive VSOP Brandy instead. Much more satisfying!! hic.



TheO the Swinger, never TOO many swingers, thats for sure...
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David Icke? me? 2005 
Thursday, November 30, 2006, 04:03 PM
Posted by Administrator
I think I have just about managed to get back to normal, if that's possible. I spent most of the time at CHOGM awake. The small print in the contract contained words like 'nights' and '12 hours' After a number of these 19.30 - 07.30 shifts, I managed to limp home, only to have the good lady recount her umbilical (?) movements, and then insist I take her shopping. Three nights, no sleep, I started to feel a bit like God. At work I would call all my co-workers 'my son' They just thought It was I was from London. Secretly, online, I was searching for a turquoise shell suit.

Last Night we went to see a Doula. These are ladies who assist in births. I was a little reluctant to go, fearing crystals and a flat smelling of cats, but she was very nice, made me a cup of tea, and then went through the whole birth process and told us what to expect. She said she would like to attend the birth and I thought about selling her a ticket. I wonder if SKY would want the TV rights….



@ 32 weeks and growing, spot the space hopper!

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Powerfull connections, disconnected... 
Friday, November 24, 2006, 10:12 AM
TheO may have noticed that daddy is going a bit, well, bonkers. This is something to do with my connections. The car has developed a fault in the wiring since it came back from the garage causing the stereo to cut out when it goes over a bump. This is Malta where driving is like tackling a severe set of moguls on a black run with no knees. Harsh. I found myself driving over a deep pot hole just to hear the last few bars of why does it always rain on me by Travis.

My day just gets better as I get home and have to call the garage on a cordless phone that has a loose battery connection. Just as I am trying to explain the problem, I realise that I have been talking to nobody for the last fifteen minutes. The joys of modernity.

I am however relieved to see that TheO has the right idea and makes lasting connections. He is now well know at the germ kindergarten for his good humour and loud laugh! I try to take this lesson on board. He is now just over ten months, standing on his own (whilst leaning on something) and scouring the floor at a furious pace for nibbles. The Grand-Parents spoil him rotten, but who can blame them!?



TheO finds the hidden camera, despite loosing part of his head...
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Life is like a bowl of, er, Oranges 
Thursday, November 9, 2006, 08:43 AM
After a quick jaunt back to Blighty to see an old chum hitched, we return yet again to brilliant sunshine and warm seas. TheO is back in his element despite having made some very good friends with my past at the wedding. We have taken him to his kindergarten, and he is now slowly recovering from the massive bout of Flu he caught there. I plan to send him next time in a disposable paper boiler suit and a facemask full of Vicks but fear he may stray to some 80's Rave sure to be close by.

One of the many missions whilst in the UK was to ship over a Gearbox for the car and other personal effects. Quite why we packed our entire photograph collection I will never know. The car parts have now been delivered and we look forward to a car that works with a recent fresh paint job!! (and new bonnet, wing, bumper, door etc etc) This is due to a slight oversight by a local driver. If you have ever driven in Malta, you will know what I'm talking about.

Despite his cold, TheO remains in high spirits. He has been checked over by his Pediatrician and we're told his figures are all up, up, up! He remains one of the happiest babies I know, attracting the attention of old ladies from 50 yards. I am trying to teach him to be more discerning when it comes to age, ahem.



TheO after his Vitamin C, & I thought is was an apple a day...
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Faster Than A Speeding Pastizzi... 
Thursday, October 12, 2006, 08:19 AM
Is it a bird, is it a plane, no it's TheO, high on artificial additives and on a mission of mayhem. Leaving no stone unturned (or anything else for that matter) he strives to check out our entire dwelling. No clean window is safe from his moist touch 'but we only had them cleaned yesterday!!' I exclaimed.

The little lad is accelerating at an alarming rate. He engages you in games and still retains his charm and constant smile, just like his, er, Dad! Despite his agility, the one place he has managed to stay in is his kindergarten. He is always coming back with something new. The first time it was conjunctivitis, the second time it was flu, this was one which he was able to share with us, thanks. Needless to say they won't have him back till he's better. Mmm.

The outlaws have been visiting Cornwall and have been away for two, long weeks. They are greatly missed as the Mother in Law looks after TheO a lot. I cant wait for them to come back, particularly as I have been looking after their Yorkshire Terrier who seems to have a bottomless, weak bladder. We go for a walk that lasts 30 minutes and covers ten feet!!

Off to the homeland next week for ten days for a good chums wedding, four days solo. I feel as though I have won the lottery and plan to sleep solid for all of it, with beer and sausages thrown in of course!



TheO attempts to get back inside a cupboard, just to jump out at mummy later hur hur...
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